Food for the Dead
by heathervescent
A year ago, my grandmother died. She was the most influential person in my life. The most important too. I'm not saddened that she is gone. I know she had a very full life and I shared many experiences with her. Sometimes it's hard to believe that it's been a year. A year of not talking to her, or visiting her. And in some ways, she never left. I live with so many of her things and interact with them on a daily basis. From her antique glass dishes to her jewelry to her sheets and pillows. I am surrounded by her things constantly and reminded of the amazing woman she is - was.
So this first year of her being gone perplexes me. I can't celebrate her birthday anymore, be sending her a card or some flowers or taking her out to Chinese food. These things celebrated her being here - in this world - where she no longer is. But I can celebrate her death-iversary - the day she left this world.
I first heard of this tradition from a good friend and colleague Carmen de Jesus. Her father died several years ago and every year on his death-iversary she and her family have a tradition called "Eat for Pa." She described it to me as thus:
The idea is that the spirit of the departed is hanging out. So you hang out with them and eat something they liked to eat so somehow they can enjoy it vicariously through you.
You think of your relative's favorite foods and you eat them; and as you eat it, taste it, chew it, try to imagine or remember why they liked it so much - and it brings their spirit into your senses. It's a happy occasion and a way to honor them, too.
So today, during this Memorial day weekend, I will remember my grandmother on her death-iversary with her favorite food: champagne and Tiramisu and I'll smoke a menthol cigarette just for her.
| 05/28/06
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Practices
