My Psychic Prediction for Christina Aguilera
by L. J. Williamson
Gossip site Jossip.com is breathless over rumors that Christina Aguilera is coming into the studio drunk and recording songs about oral sex:
The last day [Christina] came in she was drunk, and made a song about oral sex--and her giving it. It was recorded so she called her psychic Belinda Bentley and asked if it would leak and, if it did, would it ruin her career.
"Naturally, we're wondering if any of this could be this could be true. If so, what exactly could this mysterious recording tell us about Christina's oral stylings?
Over here at Daily Mantra we really could scarcely be less scandalized by the idea that Xtina might like to knock back a few drinks and make up songs about head -- in fact, it just makes us think she'd fit right in at one of our office parties. What caught our eye was the mention of psychics!
Curious, I checked out Belinda Bentley's web site, and found that although the spirits may be telling her all about our dead relatives and our future doings, they've clearly had nothing to say on the topic of good web design.
As far as what they said about the sucking in Christina's songs (and I mean that literally, for once), I'm not privy to that information. But Christina, if you're reading this -- and I feel confident that you are, now that I know you're into the whole psychics thing -- here's my prediction. The tape will not leak out and destroy your career if you take three simple steps:
1. Destroy the recording.
2. Stop recording things you don't want other people to hear.
3. Burn a purple candle and a bundle of sage in the northwest corner of your house at midnight tonight.
The spirits also told me that you actually only have to do two of these things, but they said that it would have to be up to you to figure out which two.
That will be three hundred dollars, please.
| 03/13/07
|
Celebrities
