Death is messy and undignified

by L. J. Williamson

I saw my mom's dog put to sleep last week. Euthanasia. "Eu" = good; "than"=death. Was it a good death? Can there ever be a completely "good" death?

This dog had been by my mother's side for 19 years. He was her sole home companion after my father died.

My mother was anguished, because as a Buddhist, she was afraid that causing the death of another would bring her bad karma. But the dog was suffering and in pain. Many nights he'd howled for hours, unable to sleep until 3:00 a.m. But then there were days when he seemed like he wasn't doing too bad, like the day we'd scheduled the appointment.

My mother went through with the appointment anyway. They gave the dog the first injection, which put him to sleep -- literally, not euphamistically. We were given some more time to say goodbye before the second injection, which would put him to sleep -- euphamistically, not literally.

"It's the first time I've seen him sleep soundly in a month," my mother said after the first shot.

She wept uncontrollably, thanking the dog for his companionship and begging for his forgiveness.

I thought I would see little change after the second shot was administered, as the dog was sedated and lying limp in my mother's arms. But when the dog died, there was a difference. His tongue rolled out of his slackened jaw, hanging long, and when my mother picked him up for one last parting embrace, urine dripped out of his penis and on to my mother's arm. A feeling of embarrassment came over me. I wished we could put that tongue back in the mouth, cover the leakage.

Death isn't just like being asleep. It's messy and undignified. Death with dignity? What is that? One can not possibly be dignified while their body is slipping out of their control. The only way to maintain any sort of dignity is to remain entirely hidden from view.

Pull the sheet over me, please.

| 06/29/07 | Commentary