God In The News

by Nicole

The Associated Press reports that God has seemingly responded to a lawsuit filed by Omaha State Senator Ernie Chambers. The agnostic politician, who was hoping to highlight the issue of frivolous lawsuits, was seeking a permanent injunction stopping God from making "terrorist threats" of "widespread death, destruction and terrorization of millions upon millions of the Earth's inhabitants." In a response, delivered on Wednesday, the Almighty claimed that he existed outside of the jurisdiction of earthly laws. When questioned about how the legal papers were delivered, Douglas County District Court clerk John Friend explained they miraculously appeared on the counter. “It just all of a sudden was here — poof," said Friend.

Meanwhile irate instruments of God from Pigeon Forge, TN spent a reported $90,440 on a full-page advertisement in Monday’s edition of USA Today criticizing comments made by Kathy Griffin at this year’s Emmys. While accepting an award for her Bravo show My Life On The D-List, Kathy quipped that “a lot of people come up here and thank Jesus for this award. I want you to know that no one had less to do with this award than Jesus." The protestors, who are all members of the Christian Miracle Theatre group, failed to see the humorous side of the Catholic comedienne’s comments. In their ad the group stated, "We may never win a national award. We may never be household names. We may never be seen in Hollywood. Although others may choose to use their national platform to slander our God, we are honored as professional entertainers to stand for Christ."

In further God news this week, Bavarian politician Gabriele Pauli caused controversy after she announced plans to tamper with the rules of the almighty institution of marriage, suggesting that it should “expire after seven years,” with couples being given the option to extend their union once the initial period had ended. The twice-divorced, 50-year old politician, made the comments on Wednesday while campaigning for the leadership of Bavaria’s Christian Social Union party, which is based in Pope Benedict XVI's home region. When questioned further, the motorbike-riding candidate conceded that “the fine points must still be cleared up.”

| 09/21/07 | Religion