Have you just found out your partner's cheating on you with your best friend? Did someone just dump you by text message? Are you likely to burst into tears every time you hear "Nothing Compares 2 U" on the radio? Then Hime & Company could be your dream employers, since the enlightened Japanese company is offering heartbreak leave as one of its many employee benefits.
The company's website explains that, "Many companies have maternity leave and claim they are kind to women because of this... People may take sick leave, yet not for heartache. But people would find it harder to be at work in such a situation, making simple mistakes, doing strange things."
As anyone who's ever shown up to work red-eyed and fuzzy brained after a particularly heinous row with a loved one knows, heartbreak leave makes sense not only for the employee but for the employer too. The recently heartbroken are in no mental state to make competent decisions, or deal in a cool and collected way with fellow workers or members of the public.
Employers may also want to consider the man-hours lost as co-workers rally round to cheer up the heartbroken. All those serial heart to hearts by the coffee machine add up, making a day or two of official heartbreak leave look like sound economic sense.
Those with perpetually tragic love lives have their heartbreak capped at Hime & Company however. Those in their early 20's are allowed one heartbreak day a year, those in their mid-twenties are allowed two, while those who are thirty-plus are allowed a full three-days heartbreak vacation. (The Japanese are famous for their love hotels, perhaps they should have heartbreak hotels with classic back & white movies, tissues and chocolate on tap too.)
Interestingly, none of Hime & Company's workers have taken advantage of the company's heartbreak holidays, though another benefit has seen a much higher uptake rate. 100% of employees have taken advantage of the company's "bargain leave," which is offered to workers twice a year so they can take advantage of the sales. This leads us to conclude that companionship from coworkers and retail therapy tops solace when it comes to dealing with a broken heart.
Tantra teacher and practitioner Scott Catamas claims that "by combining our sexuality with our spirituality" we can make our "relationships more profound." He also tantalizes with the prospect of never-ending orgasms, which he says make women "very, very happy."
We're sure there's a lot to be said about the benefits of tantric sex. Its focus on eye contact and intimacy is very appealing, but while endless orgasms may sound like a lot of fun, in practice we know that busy schedules (and limited energy levels) rarely allow for never-ending fun (of any kind).
So before we stress out about barely attainable goals and orgasms lasting longer than an MTV Real World marathon, we thought we'd bring some balance into the equation by drawing attention to a recent US study which aims "to dispel unrealistic beliefs among couples that good sex should go on for a long time."
The survey, which was published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, found that a modest 13 minutes was considered the most "desirable" amount of time for penetrative sex to last by those interviewed. Intercourse lasting between 3 and 7 minutes was considered "adequate,” less than three minutes was "too short," but over 13 minutes was "too long."
So, while it might be fun to give tantra a whirl, if both partners have the time, energy and inclination, the thrill, timeliness and therapeutic benefits of a 3-minute quickie should not be underestimated. All good things do come to an end, quality can be more important than quantity, and a highly "desirable" 13 minutes should not be underappreciated by those who may just have unrealistic (KY-sponsored) expectations.
New research suggests that clever women are more likely to experience problems climaxing.
A survey, conducted by a German lifestyle website, found that 62% of women who had "completed their education" reported that they often had trouble reaching orgasm. That compared with just 38% of their less qualified colleagues. Over 2,000 women between the ages of 18 and 49 participated in the study.
Experts concluded that intelligent women are "too busy thinking" in bed. Seems like these smarter women may need to clear their minds with a meditation Rx.
It's like one of those jokes. Do you want the good news or the bad news first? The good news is that after a search of epic proportions, a team of scientists led by Dr. Emmanuele A. Jannini of the University of L'Aquila in Italy may have finally come up with a way of reliably locating the sexual holy grail: the hard-to-find G-Spot. The bad news is that the majority of women may not actually have one.
Armed with ultrasound equipment, Jannini's sexual crusaders stormed into the zone, measuring the thickness of tissue in the urethrovaginal terrain where the G-Spot is thought to hide out. A small group of twenty females volunteered for the study, which was published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine. Nine (blessed) women said they experienced vaginal orgasms, while the remaining eleven said they didn't (better luck in the next life). The researchers found that women in the first group had thicker tissue in the study's hot spot.
Many experts (and even more non-experts) have doubted the existence of the G-Spot, but it now seems that the significant differences in sexual capability amongst women may be due to genetically based anatomical factors (rather than a partner's lousy map reading). Previous research by feminist sex educator Shere Hite found that 70% of women did not experience orgasm by vaginal stimulation alone. Jannini's research might explain why.
"For the first time it is possible to determine by a simple, rapid and inexpensive method if a woman has a G spot or not," says Jannini. "A simple test could tell you if it is time to give up the hunt for your G spot or if your partner just needs to try harder."
One of my favorite wits, comedian, author and playwright Ben Elton, came up with the concept of The Reality Gap. Though intended as a comedic device, much truth is said in jest, and an understanding of this concept has served me well in life, especially when I applied it to one of the toughest things to get right in life: Love.
The Reality Gap occupies the territory between the lies we tell ourselves and others, and the way things actually are. To quote the good Doctor House, "Everyone lies." You therefore can't judge a potential mate by what they say, since it'll be peppered with their own misconceptions about themselves, what they think you want to hear, and what they think they need to tell you to get what they want. Actions can also be deceptive, so you need to look at something a little more set in stone as an indication of a potential partner's true self.
One such area of relative permanence is our homes; How we decorate them can serve as a visual indication of the reality gap hidden within. A living room is intended for public view and represents how we want to be seen by the world. Conversely, a bedroom is a more personal space, which is often seen by few, its décor representing more faithfully how we see ourselves. The gap between these two rooms represents the gap between how we see ourselves and what we want others to see, and thus it is a tangible metaphorical illustration of our inner reality gap.
A reality gap is not necessarily a bad thing though, since we all have our interior and exterior worlds, but the nature of these differences speaks volumes. Dating is an exercise in exploring this space, whether it be a crack or a chasm. When we first meet someone, we do the emotional equivalent of tidying the living room from top to bottom and putting a fresh vase of flowers on the coffee table before a guest arrives in order to give a good impression. As we get to know someone, our clutter is left exposed. Eventually, if the relationship is moving forward we move into the proverbial and literal bedroom, where, however much we may try to hide, more of our true selves is revealed.
After many years of unsuccessful dating, I began to apply my understanding of The Reality Gap. Rather than concentrating on what a date said, I'd look for the underlying intension. When possible, I'd apply my living room/bedroom litmus test, perhaps by poking my head around the door while paying a bathroom visit, or by taking a more direct approach and asking for a tour of a date's home (which many people like to give).
One man I dated failed the test miserably, having a sensible blue-grey Draylon couch in the living room, and silk sheets and a gold plated bed (14 carat - I kid you not!) in his boudoir, illustrating quite a reality gulf. Against my better instincts, on the advice of a friend who felt "everyone deserves a chance," I went out with him. Needles to say, the relationship was as brief as The Reality Gap was wide.
A little older and a lot wiser, the next man I went out with lived, worked and slept in one studio room, and showed a marked lack of any Reality Gap. What he said and I saw was definitely what I got. We've been together over a decade now, and have been married for eight of those years. Thus, like a washing machine in Consumer Reports, my theory is tried, tested and approved. I promised you a love story.
Breaking up is hard to do, and the pain lingers long after your ex is gone – especially if you’re Jennifer Aniston. It’s been close to three years since she split from her Ken doll Brad Pitt, and over two since their divorce was finalized, but she’s still being compared to the woman who ran off with her man. Style bible W, in a very unstylish move, have put the rival women on the two covers of their November issue, so the public can vote with their $4.50 cover price. As the rag hit the stand, E Online conducted their own web poll. As we’re writing this story Aniston is winning with 56.6% of the vote versus Angelina Jolie’s 43.4%.
Using this cheap stunt for the cover of their Art Issue seems to be somewhat of a stretch, though a group of Balkan artists who are making an artistic statement about heartbreak might disagree. The Museum of Broken Relationships is a touring exhibition of break up memorabilia, much of it donated by members of the public who visit the show. One women donated her wedding dress, another a pair of pink furry handcuffs that had lost their playful air, and another an axe which she’d used to chop up the furniture of a cheating ex.
“Memories and the emotional heritage stored in the most varied objects, messages, songs or photographs, are truly an invaluable part of individual emotional history,” explains Olinka Vistica and Drazen Grubisic, the Zagreb-based artists behind the project. “It is only the new context of a broken relationship that makes them unwanted and turns them into victims of affected vandalism.”
“Unlike the destructive self-help instructions for recovery from broken relationship, the Museum offers every individual the chance to overcome the emotional collapse through creation, by contributing holdings to the Museum,” their manifesto explains. The Daily Mantra will be sending along a copy of W, and wonders if Aniston has anything else she’d like us to include in our package.
Unfortunately, planning a wedding can take all the fun and romance out of getting married. It offers the chance to get charged huge fees while battling with a variety of expectations. But at the same time, it may be the only time we work so hard and care so much about such an important event. So how can you make this pivotal day reflect your true feelings? Be creative and atypical! Don't have a cookie-cutter wedding –– or marriage. There are too many options and possibilities to limit yourself or your love-nugget to a standard that doesn’t reflect your true feelings or the spirit of your relationship.
Focus on what’s really important to you. Is it worth the stress and debt of an expensive outfit or location? When you sit down to start brainstorming wedding ideas, don’t be afraid to venture beyond the borders of common sense. Suggest the outlandish, and work it into reality later. Dare to be different. Think about where you first met, or special things that brought you together. If you met your beloved at a beachside cafe, see if you can rent it out for a few hours. Rent a costume, and get those funky flower arrangements that look like something from your favorite movie, Beetlejuice. Hang Chinese paper lanterns. If you and your fiancé share a hobby or favorite sport, incorporate that into your day. Don’t let the pressure of expense and expectations take the meaning out of your day. Have fun with it, and find ways that you can express yourself authentically. By doing these things, you may be able to insure that rather than entering into your new marriage overwhelmed and confused, you can be fully aware of the joyful promise that your future holds.
British Rabbit enthusiasts are being offered a new recycling service by eco-friendly sex toy company Love Honey. Users who send their worn out toys to the company, are being offered a half-price replacement Rabbit in return. The tired toys are sent out for recycling and £1 ($2) is donated to The World Land Trust for each retired love bunny. Donors are also asked to take a pledge to promote cleaner, greener orgasms. Key points in the eco-orgasm manifesto include removing batteries when your sex toys are not in use, and disposing of all electrical equipment in a responsible way.
After a cameo appearance on the popular TV series Sex and The City, the one time cult sex toy became the world’s best selling vibrator. In June of this year Rabbit Fever, a mockumentary film about the toy was released. The flick follows a group of Rabbit addicts as they try and kick their habit. It features Tom Conti, Stefanie Powers, Emma Buckley, Germaine Greer and Richard Branson. Prince William’s girlfriend, Kate Middleton, joined other Rabbit aficionados at an exclusive party in London to celebrate the film’s release. Guests were sent home with a commemorative Rabbit in a swag bag that created quite a buzz.
Following the commerce with a conscience example of their mother, Body Shop founder Anita Roddick, daughters Sam and Justine started their own two-store empire of luxury erotic emporiums called Coco de Mer. The siblings keenly follow their mom’s philosophy, trying to ethically source as many of their wares as possible for their London and Los Angeles boutiques. Products, such as their trademark silk blindfold embroidered with the provocative mantra “Freedom is deciding whose slave you want to be,” are dedicated to the celebration of sexual pleasure, empowerment, dignity and discovery.
One of the store's hottest products is a pheromone enhancer by Escentric Molecules, which they exclusively distribute in the US. It comes in two blends. The first, Molecule 01, is an almost aroma-free “aura” entirely based on a perfumers ingredient called Iso E Super. The synthetic liquid is said to work with your body’s heat and unique natural chemistry to bring out a subtle yet powerful scent about 15 minutes after it is first applied. The second concoction, Escentric 01, is a 65% blend of Iso E Super mixed with pink pepper, lime and incense for a hybrid experience.
Fans of the fragrance include Elton John, Dita von Teese and Kate Moss. According to Andrea Ferrante, the supervisor of the West Hollywood store, the product definitely works. “People never approach me in bars,” say Andrea, “but people have followed me when I wear this.”
The pornification of America marches on. According to my current fave smutty website, sexinchrist.com, Christians need more porn, and I couldn't agree more. The site calls for "a new kind of porn – porn that upholds the Christian ethos. Christ-centered porn, made to be viewed by Christians and tailored to their unique needs. We challenge Christians in the adult industry (yes, they do exist – and you know who you are) to step up and truly walk their walk and live their faith by producing pornography that men and women of God can view without compromising their relationship with their Savior, or their relationship with their spouse."
They call for all kinds of not too surprising limits -- It must depict only married couples, It must be instructional, It must be uplifting and inspirational, it can't have profanity -- but there are plenty of enticing loopholes in the law.
For instance, the site says Christian porn can't portray extramarital sex, "unless it is to illustrate the downfalls of adultery." They specify that "The spouses in a Christian porn production must never have adulterous relations, unless they (and their partner in extramarital crime) suffer and are punished fittingly for their sins." Hmm, punishment! Like what, spanking?
The site's authors also say that Christian porn should only be viewed by married people -- with the caveat that "a single person might find Christian porn instructional if it better prepares them for relating to their future spouse." Got that? No wanking unless you're planning on getting married someday.
There's a testosterone patch newly available in Britain and Canada called Intrinsa, and it's designed for women who have low sex drive due to "surgically induced early menopause," i.e., they've had their ovaries removed. The drug failed to gain FDA approval in the U.S., not because it isn't useful to women in that circumstance -- it is -- but because of fear of excessive off-label use. And they're right.
Many valid arguments can be made against tampering with nature, about the intrinsic differences between the horniness levels of men and women, about the pharma companies, like other consumer businesses, that try to get us wanting more, more, more. And the most compelling argument condemning this product I've heard is the one that goes, "Instead of chasing the next Viagra, why aren't they working harder to develop drugs to treat cholera and malaria?" Well, because there's no money in that, silly!
When I was in my second trimester of pregnancy -- both times -- I was SUPER MEGA horny. I'm talking about the wearing out my husband, subscribing to multiple Internet porn sites, coming seven times on the vibrator and still wanting more kind of horny.
Is this what it's like to be a guy? I wondered.
Actually, it was what it was like to be a super-charged female. I mean, when is a woman more womanly than when in the full bloom of pregnancy?
I've read somewhat nature-worshippy arguments against Intrinsa too -- that women don't need to put any more artificial hormones in their bodies, etc. But let me counter with this: sometimes nature doesn't have the most logical plan.
Wouldn't it make more sense for a woman to get the gimmes around, say, her ovulation period, when she could potentially get pregnant, rather than during the second trimester, when she is already as pregnant as can be and the horniness doesn't really accomplish anything aside from amusement value?
The FDA was right. I found it immensely amusing to be that horny -- for a while, anyway -- and so did my husband. If I could get Intrinsa from the corner drugstore, I'd grab it in a flash, and no, I haven't had my ovaries surgically removed. I just like feeling sexed up.
And now, from the religion that brought us the term "sodomy," comes... SODOMY! And the best part is that it's a-okay!
At SexInChrist.com, I finally found the answer I've long been looking for to the question, "Is anal sex a sin when practiced in heterosexual marriage?" At least, it's the answer I would be looking for if I were the sort of person who was concerned about what's a sin and what's not -- that answer being a resounding, well-lubricated "YES!"
According to the site,
Anal sex is confusing to many Christians because of the attention paid to the Bible’s condemnation of homosexual acts. However, it’s important to realize that these often quoted scriptures refer only to sexual acts between two men. Nowhere does the Bible forbid anal sex between a male and female.
In fact, many Biblical passages allude to the act of anal sex between men and women. Lamentations 2:10 describes how “The virgins of Jerusalem have bowed their heads to the ground,” indicating how a virginal maidens should position themselves to receive anal sex. Another suggestive scripture tells of a woman’s pride in her “valley” (referring to her buttocks and the cleft between them) and entices her lover to ejaculate against her backside: "How boastful you are about the valleys! O backsliding daughter who trusts in her treasures, {saying,} ' Who will come against me?' (Jeremiah 49:4) And in the Song of Songs, the lover urges his mate to allow him to enter her from behind: “Draw me after you, let us make haste.” (Song of Solomon, 1:4)
Woo hoo! I didn't know that the bible was so dirty! But wait, it gets better: did you know that you can have anal sex and still be a virgin? According to this site, it's true!
For a young woman who has never engaged in sexual intercourse, having anal sex allows her to preserve her virginity (i.e., maintain an intact hymen) until marriage. There is no greater gift that a bride can give than to offer her pure, unsullied maidenhead to her husband on their wedding night.
Anal sex allows both partners to save the most intimate and powerful sexual act, that of face-to-face vaginal intercourse, for their mates in marriage. This type of sexual relationship represents the most powerful union between a man and a woman, and so it rightfully should be reserved for one’s life partner. Fortunately, you can engage in anal sex prior to marriage and still be able to share the deeper, more meaningful act of consecrated love through vaginal intercourse with your wedded spouse.
I'm sure that this will come as welcome news to horny, butt-loving Christian teens everywhere: that you can read the bible any way you like to get permission to do just about anything you want!
But what does the bible say about the Dirty Sanchez?
Does God belong in the realm of the body, or in the realm of the mind? Most traditions, from east to west, put God inside your head, which is as safely far away from the genitals as He can get. That's because the genitals naturally lead back to the earth and to earthly pleasures, distracting you from the idea of the afterlife and your heavenly reward -- as in Christianity -- or from grasping at temporary, fleeting pleasure -- as in Buddhism (which doesn't really have a "God," but you get the idea).
This strategy makes a lot of sense if you're trying to promote your religion. Christians are encouraged, for example, to delay intercourse until marriage, which is good practice for the delayed gratification that is their entire lives, culminating in a post-mortem prize. And the often transcendent experience of orgasm is also seen as something to be controlled, as it can be a path to spiritual ecstasy that completely circumvents any organized institution. In stark contrast are the much reviled
Pagans, who believe that oooh, heaven is a place on earth, and are even a-ok with incorporating sex into religious rituals. Vive la difference.
Even Buddhists (like myself) have difficulty grappling with the power of sexuality and its proper position in life, thus you have practitioners of Tantra at one end who encompass sexuality into their practice, and the renunciate tradition which eschews not only sex but also even simple acts like shaking hands with a member of the opposite sex.
What I find problematic about all of this is the entire idea of dividing the body from the mind, cleaving a soul in two. Once, when I was in Thailand, I saw someone say, "He has a good mind," and as she said this, she pointed to her chest. Surprised, I thought to myself, Doesn't she know that when you say the word "mind" you're supposed to point to your head? Then I realized how Western I was being at that moment, conceiving of the mind as something much further away from the center of your body.
But when we are sad, tears leak from our eyes. When we are happy, the muscles of our mouth turn upwards. And when our body dies, I believe that our soul and consciousness goes with it. The body and mind are not working against one another as we frequently believe; they are one entity. To stop seeing them as opposing forces is to live a fuller and more conscious life.
Humankind is gradually moving closer to a blissful state of inner peace. I know this because according to an article on msnbc.com, anal sex among straight couples in on the rise.
According to results of a federal study released two years ago, 40 percent of men and 35 percent of women surveyed in 2002 said they have had anal sex with an opposite-sex partner. An earlier study published in 1994 showed that among heterosexuals, 26 percent of men and 20 percent of women had ever engaged in anal sex.
From a Tantric-sex-leads-to-enlightenment perspective, this is wonderful news. According to Tantric philosophy, the root chakra, between the anus and the penis or/vagina, is the place where kundalini, the serpentine power of enlightenment, is said to lie coiled and sleeping.
French Indologist Alain Danielou, in his book Shiva and Dionysus, explains the Tantric rite of anal penetration thus:
In Tantric yoga, the centre of Ganesha — the guardian of the gates — is found in the region of the rectum. The male organ, in directly penetrating the area of coiled energy, may help its brutal awakening and thus provoke a state of enlightenment and sudden perception of realities of a transcendental order.
What is the catalyst for such magnificent cultural metamorphosis? The MSNBC article theorizes that "The first and most obvious reason is the influence of porn, which is always trying to come up with new ways to titillate and to be naughtier," and quotes film studies professor Constance Penley of (my alma mater) University of California, Santa Barbara. “Anal sex did not used to be de rigeur in porn and now it pretty much is even for mainstream porn.”
This brings us to a chicken-and-egg question. Did pornographers start putting more anal sex in films because people like it, or did people start liking it because they saw it in films? Would it not have occurred to many people to go in through the back door until they saw it in a movie? Or were people too scared to try it until they saw "Annie's All-Anal Action 3"? Or maybe it was the filmmakers who were too scared to feature anal sex in their films until they read the above-mentioned federal study?
I'd like to think that the answer is none of the above. There may in fact be a higher collective unconscious operating here, and this unconscious messenger is gently whispering to us all, "Do me in the butt."
Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free? That is the penetrating, insightful question that Laura Session Stepp, author of Unhooked is asking. Here is a translation guide to this this quaint foreign phrase: "Cow" is a word that means "woman." "Milk" is a term that means "sex." The question is addressed to men, who naturally would have no need for a cow, as their only interest is in milk. And please, don't ask "where's the beef." There isn't any.
Stepp's wholly unoriginal thesis is that the young women of today are suffering from a shocking lack in sexual morality and failing in their position as sexual gatekeepers. She asserts that the trouble with the young people today is that they have no interest in finding loving, emotionally committed relationships, and are instead only interested in "hooking up," which is the term that the kids today use for what back in my day (the late eighties and early nineties) people of my generation called "ye olde fuck 'n' run." Or something.
Despite her troubled moans and wails, Stepp doesn't have me convinced that there's a problem here, because no one could ever convince me that human beings have suddenly ceased to have a need for emotional connection with other humans, or that their desire for long-term relationships has expired. Do I belive that young people are experimenting with casual sex? I certainly hope so. I also feel that the ability of people in their late teens and early twenties are capable of feeling love -- unlike Stepp -- despite the fact that they might not be currently in pursuit of a life partner.
Hand-wringing and tsk-tsk-ing over the moral lapses of the younger generation is a time-honored tradition, so I find Stepp's conclusions about the prevalence of casual sex between young adults not at all surprising. What I do find surprising is that she could find an audience for her preposterous assertion that an entire generation has lost the ability to experience romantic love.
If you're the sort who believes that a psychic could divine reliable information by looking at lines in your palm, and you like to photograph your own (or maybe a friend's) cock, here's a new wrinkle for you: get thee to psychicpenis.com. And if you don't know what "NSFW" means, it's time you learned: Not Safe For Work. Don't want the boss looking over your shoulder and seeing this on your browser; trust me.
For the modest (or preposterous, take your pick) fee of $100, you can send photo of your or your loved one's pecker to the psychic along with one burning question (and hopefully it's not pee related). Your query will be answered by "a famous Hollywood psychic" who was given the "special gift" of being able to tell you more than you knew about yourself from the photo, and I don't just mean what the back of your balls looks like. Oh, and your weenis has to be at half staff for her to read it -- I guess shriveled schwangs or zipper-busting boners don't do the trick.
The penis psychic's bio says that she is "never psychically looking at anyone or anything unless she is actually doing a reading. But the one thing she can see when she is not even looking is—of all things—men's private parts! Now through this site she is able to put this great gift to good use, and share her special talent with the world." Wait, does this mean she has X-ray vision too? She can see your johnson without even looking? How does she get anything done?
It's amazing what this "Famous Hollywood Psychic" can tell about a dude from his dingie. An excerpt:
Psychically looking at you I have to give you some points because you look like you are the kind of guy who really does want to do the right thing. From my psychic view of you it looks like you have already made a decision that you are going to do right by your wife and I don’t see that you would cross that line, even if you were given the opportunity. You’re just not that guy, so good for you. I guess your wife is pretty lucky after all.
If you got the penis psychic and a palm reader working together, could you get a psychic reading with a happy ending?
Philophobia - Fear of falling in love or being in love.
Broken hearts, broken homes and dysfunctional models of love can have a profound effect on whether or not you carry a fear of love. It can affect your ability to open up to new relationships, it can be the silent and deadly trigger that sabotages a relationship when it gets too close or too good. Falling in love, and all the vulnerability, trust and risk implicit in the act of "falling" - can be terrifying.
What must Valentine's Day be like for philophobes?
Want to know if you've got a "real" phobia? Assess your philophobia here.
I was scanning some news titles today and the one with "Sacred Sex!" in the heading caught my eye. Turned out to be a badly written article praising the benefits of Tantra and admonishing Americans for being so uptight about the ol' in-n-out. (not the fast food chain of course. We're much more comfortable with greasy french fries than we are with say...nudity)
The author suggests that Americans don't treasure or feel comfortable with sex because of our religious foundation and our habit of viewing sex as a sin. And Tantra is the answer.
Actually, I've never felt more inhibited or uncomfortable than when I'm trying to make a sacred sexual space for intercourse or trying to move sexual energy up my spine or dance around pretending to be a goddess or any of the other things that supposedly bring us to an enlightened state during sex. Not that the exercises don't work-- but I find it all so contrived and distracting that it makes what used to feel natural and playful into something structured and frankly-- not sexy.
This is the part about the article that cracked me up, though--
Remember, college is the perfect time for experimentation, including sexual experimentation. Why not release your inhibitions and try something new? Your sex life could not only be more physically pleasurable, it could be more spiritually rewarding.[source]
This author is telling college students to lighten up and try something new?? Good lord! The freshman class at my university gets more action than a barrel full of bunnies in March. Last I checked, they were doing what normal college students do-- testing out polyphasic sleep cycles, hopping beds and doing tons of hallucinogens.
What sort of imaginary Victorian age college students did the author dream up as the audience for this article?
Even Sister Merciless Repentance and Sister Severe Piousness agree. This author has her head up her bum.
I was reading an article called "Spiritual Sex: How to Make Love on the Spiritual Sexual Plane," which was your usual sex meets spirituality type of stuff, like: "The standards for sexual fulfillment don't depend on how you perform. To feel bliss, it's much better to combine spirituality with sexuality." Okay, got it. But then the article took a strange turn in this passage:
"You may need to re-connect with rebellious parts of yourself-like the little kid who's kicking and screaming at the idea of any sex at all. Give her a fun job, like playing with the massage oil. She may make a mess but she'll keep herself entertained so the rest of you can focus deeply on connecting with your self and your partner."
Does anyone beside me think this is kind of creepy? I mean, this sounds about as hot as having sex with Sybil.
If part of your goal is to "connecting with your self," is it really okay to tell part of your self to go out and play so that you can get it on? Is it even okay to have sex in front of your inner child? Should you lock the door so your inner child doesn't accidentally walk in on you? Should you try to be quiet during orgasm so that your inner child isn't traumatized by your screams? What if you feel like browsing the web for porn? Couldn't your inner see your password and hack past your NetNanny? And can your inner child see what's going on even if you're blindfolded?
I have so many questions. No you don't. Yes I do. Shut up. No, you shut up. I know you are, but what am I?
I can't take credit for the headline - it's part of the site's content. While this is a product, it's NOT a product review, but Divine Interventions has an unusual line of "sensual accoutrements" to help you achieve divine bliss. Pictured here, is "Buddha's Delight," something to inspire bodhisattvas and non-Buddhists alike, with the same satisfied smile.
**Site is slightly NSFW, so click conscientiously!
In my exploration of various religious views about sex, I came across Aleister Crowley -- whom some describe as the godfather of Wicca, but whom many Wiccans would emphatically disown. Why hadn't I heard of this guy before? Anyone once known as "The Wickedest Man In The World" deserves attention. On of the practices he espouses is "Sex Magick." As Wikipedia describes it:
"Sex magick is the use of the sex act—or the energies, passions or arousal states it evokes—as a point upon which to focus the will or magical desire for effects in the non-sexual world. In this, Crowley was inspired by Paschal Beverly Randolph, an American Abolitionist, Spiritualist medium, and author of the mid-19th century, who wrote (in Eulis!, 1874) of using the "nuptive moment" (orgasm) as the time to make a "prayer" for events to occur."
Readers, try this at home and let me know how it works out. I'm going to be wishing for a pony.
In contrast to all of the confusion about enjoyment of sexuality over on the Christian side of the fence, Jews know where they stand. From an interview with Rabbi Zalman Schachter-Shalomi:
"In Orthodox Judaism, detailed prescriptions are laid down for the man, instructing him on how to please his wife. He is meant to give her delight, carefully showing her his affection and desire, so that the woman does not feel unloved, undesired or objectified. When they make love, the husband is instructed to speak gently to his wife, and through his words excite her erotic passion.
And the husband is specifically prohibited from speaking with his wife about other matters during this time, for that will distract them, lessening their arousal and their pleasure. He is even urged to make love with her when he is about to go away on a journey, and again when he returns. Why? Because she will miss him while he is away."
What's up with always trying to link sex with martial arts? Although neither one represents an actual, traditional self-defense technique, in a fair fight, my money would be on someone who'd been to the "The Rope Dojo" over anyone who'd studied "Sexual Kung Fu."
The Rope Dojo is a weekend-long rope bondage workshop that even includes lunch. The very tasteful-looking website asks:
Are you SERIOUS about improving your rope bondage skills?
Do you want to erotically please and sexually pleasure your partner using rope?
Do you want to learn how to be a better bottom or receiver of rope pleasures?
Ready to get to the next level of education?
Do you want to do safer rope suspension bondage the right way?
If you answered "yes" to all of these questions, and you live in (or can travel to) San Francisco, Toronto, New York, or Dallas, and have three hundred smackers burning a hole in your pocket (did I mention that it includes lunch?) please take this sixteen hour workshop right away and then tell me all about it. Oh, and take pictures too, will ya?
Meanwhile, I'll just continue to use my lazy, crude, no-training-necessary leather handcuffs on the bedpost technique until I can afford to get a black belt in bondage.
Ethnic joke writers, take note. Usually, stories about size and ethnicity don't have research to back them up, but this one's on the level. In a story carried by Reuters and other news services, the Indian Council of Medical Research found 60 percent of men in Mumbai had penises at least 2.4 centimeters (one inch) shorter than international condom sizes. Compounding the risk of HIV transmission, it was reported that "Many men in India, which has the world's highest HIV positive caseload, were too shy to ask for condoms." The Times of India headline, "Indian Men Don't Measure Up" might make them shyer still.
Ill-fitting condoms contribute to a higher failure rate, so the problem is a serious one. Proposed solutions are more condom vending machines and greater availability of a range of sizes.
I'd hoped that since Viagra has now been on the market for nearly a decade, it might have had some positive impact on the damaging trade in endangered animal parts, most notoriously tiger penis and powdered rhinoceros horn. Unfortunately, it hasn't made a dent. There are two reasons: animal parts in fact aren't prized exclusively for sexual medicine, but for other uses as well, and because old traditions die hard.
According to an article in Salon, the oft-repeated rhino horn thing is something of a myth. Yes, rhino and tiger parts are used in Chinese medicine; no, it's not always for sexual dysfunction, but for a host of ailments including fever and arthritis.
And before you go getting all smug, remember that Americans aren't blameless either. We may not use seahorses as medicine for impotence, as some cultures do, but we capture plenty of them as aquarium pets. And habitat reduction is a problem the world over. I wish it were as simple as a little blue pill, but it's going to take a lot more than that to save the world's endangered species.
Soybeans, soybeans
The sexiest fruit
The more you eat
The more you're lubed.
The more you're lubed,
The better it feels
So let's have soybeans for every meal.
No, really, it's true! I learned it from a hot sexy article in Forbes!
Like most girls, I don't find the idea of anonymous sex in a men's restroom that alluring. But what I do find alluring, and fascinating, is the perpetual horniness of men. It's a force so powerful that they would be able to overlook the whiff of urinal cakes and potential risk of discovery long enough to get it up and off.
In the heterosexual realm, the opposing forces tend to meet in the middle; in the gay world, the yang or yin are often multiplied to an absurd degree. That's how we get cuddly U-Haul lesbians on the female side and, for the boys, websites like Squirt.com.
I did a cruising search for the pickup spots in my neighborhood, and one of the listings that came up was -- no lie -- the mens' room at Wal-Mart.
Maybe -- just maybe -- I could be persuaded to rally my blood for public bathroom sex, after a lot of drinking and a lot of teasing. But if the bathroom was in a Wal-Mart? The fluorescent lights, the Chinese imports, the disaffected labor, the low low prices. Oh, how it all comes together to wilt my pearl, like a shriveled pea, alone and forgotten at the bottom of the crisper.
I often pride myself on having a horniness rating I'd hold up to that of any guy, but, oh my brothers, this time you've bested me, and I salute you.
Apparently, being accused of kidnapping an African baby can have a strain on your marriage. Or so say Madonna and Guy Ritchie, who are now going to marriage counseling to salvage what’s left of their relationship.
I don’t know much about their counselor, Tricia Barnes , the “famous” sexual and relationship psychotherapist (though I think it’s interesting one of her specialties is erectile dysfunction. Something you want to tell us about, Mr. Ritchie?). Nor do I know that much about the biopsychosocial approach she specializes in, though I’m sure that any integrated approach to something as far-reaching as relationship problems is better than something simplistic.
I do, however, know about relationship counseling. During a rough patch in a previous relationship, my then-boyfriend and I started working with a therapist with an Imago specialty. The idea of Imago is that we’re all walking around with childhood wounds we’re trying to heal through relationships – and that we choose partners who are uniquely capable of triggering our childhood traumas so that we can work them out. This process was hugely beneficial to my ex and I, not only in giving us new ways to communicate with each other, but new ways of understanding ourselves.
And though we eventually broke up, it also taught me that we're I'm destined to continue to find partners with whom I’ll have the same kind of conflicts.
Which means Madonna, you might as well figure out this thing together. Otherwise, you’re just going to find another British, less-famous-than-you husband to kidnap an African kid with. And do you really want to go through that again?
Some of the tantric pioneers felt that a celibate lifestyle did not, in fact, represent a mastery of one's sexuality, but rather a repression of and even a flight in fear from one's sexuality.
There is a tantric teaching to the effect that without the practice of sexual union and without integrating one's energies at that level, it is impossible to attain enlightenment in the present lifetime.
There are different paths for different types of people and tantra was intended for passionate people, those who expressed an unusual degree of fire and intensity in their character.
So there is hope for those of us who don't consider the monastic path and celibacy a workable option. That's good to know. The lone monk on the mountaintop isn't the only guy who can awaken.
But now this leads me to the question: like the celibate monks taking flight in fear of their sexuality, can tantra just be a way to take flight in fear of solitude?
I was watching Pema Chodron on Bill Moyer's show. She's a Buddhist nun and as one would expect of a Buddhist nun, she wore no makeup and had her hair cut very short.
That made me wonder -- could I become a Buddhist nun, but instead of Chodron's typical attire, have styled hair, wear sexy clothes and lipstick? A hot nun who gets to have sex and flirt?
Would letting go of my vanity and my desire to be considered attractive launch me further along the road to enlightenment? Or do I have it backwards: becoming more enlightened is supposed to make me stop caring about how I look?
I'm stuck on this conundrum that says you can't be enlightened and hot at the same time. The underlying concept is, I suppose, that meditation takes up all of your valuable eyebrow tweezing time. And vice versa. I know, I've never been hit with an epiphany while tweezing.
I've always had a tumultuous relationship with that whole appearance thing. I don't typically wear a lot of makeup or spend a lot of time on my hair, partly because I'm lazy, and partly because I've got this belief that it's more virtuous not to bother. Then I show up at a party and all the chicks are totally tricked out and I have an insecure attack: Oh jeez, why didn't I wear more makeup?
Appearances do matter. Even Pema Chodron wears robes, which send out a signal about her life and path. Now I just have to figure out what signal I want to send.
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